Director!

The director should be called whenever any irregularity occurs or is suspected. You are not supposed to come to private arrangements at the table, nor should you waive the penalty for an opponent's transgression, no matter how kindly disposed you may feel towards your fellow man that evening. The rules are there for a reason and the only realy fair policy is to apply them rigorously on every occasion. If you decide to let your opponents off, say, a lead out of turn then that could be construed as unfair to any other pair who get penalised for the same offence.

In practice, of course, players often don't do that. We all dismiss minor transgressions from our opponents and often agree "obvious" penalties amongst ourselves without troubling the director. No doubt some will say it's irresponsible to condone such behaviour in in print, but I happen to think it's perfectly OK in all but the most serious competitions (and also lightens my load as playing director!)

Remember, though, that the director is only there to help. A contact of mine recently summarised the director's role as ensuring that everyone has a good time and wants to come back again. No one should ever think (or be made to feel) that having the director called to their table is a personal criticism.

In competitions, I thoroughly recommend that you call the director yourself - particularly for your own inadvertent transgressions. It can have a remarkably beneficial effect similar, I imagine, to that of the confessional. The director will come and decree some fair atonement, thereby absolving you of your sin. Your opponents can no longer complain and you can carry on the game with a clear conscience.

Finally, note that the laws only prescribe a standard (and minimum) penalty. If you think you've suffered more damage than is compensated by the standard penalty then, depending on the circumstances, the director may have discretionary powers to award a greater penalty if he believes it appropriate.